Finally, Technology Acknowledges You Can't Count AND Breathe Simultaneously
We know you spent your entire paycheck on that smartwatch to track your "steps to the fridge." But hear us out: what if you used it for those 7-minute workouts you screenshot but never do? Revolutionary concept, we know.
Ugh, Fine. Take My Money
*By "revolutionary" we mean it's literally just a timer with colors. But hey, you bought a Peloton you never use, so who are we to judge?
15 seconds to set up. No tutorials. No onboarding. Just a timer. Remember those? From before every app needed a subscription.
Orange = warmup (that thing you skip). Green = suffering. Blue = pretending to "pace yourself." Red = Instagram time. PhD-level color theory.
Beeps when things happen. Revolutionary tech from 1876. But on your WRIST! The future is now.
Android phone AND Wear OS watch. Redundancy is key when avoiding exercise. Choose your preferred excuse-viewing screen.
One-time purchase. No monthly extortion. No "premium features." Sounds fake in 2025, we know. Your grandpa would approve.
Runs offline. Unlike your motivation. Use it in your basement, garage, or wherever you hide from responsibilities.
Eight (8!) whole screenshots of... numbers on a screen. We hired a professional photographer for this. Okay, we didn't. But we COULD have.
We'll use small words and numbered steps. Don't worry, we believe in you (not really, but it's nice to say)
Find the icon. Tap it. *Slow clap* You did it! This is already more progress than your New Year's gym membership. Take a moment to celebrate this achievement.
Choose work and rest intervals. Pro tip: If you set 5 seconds work and 55 seconds rest, you're technically still "doing intervals." We won't judge. Okay, we will. But quietly.
It says "START" in letters your grandma could read. We briefly considered making it more complicated to feel fancier, but our therapist said that's a red flag.
This is where you discover muscles you didn't know existed. The app will keep time while you question every life choice that led to this moment. Unfortunately, we can't do the burpees for you. Trust us, we tried.
A comprehensive list of people who are either very motivated or in deep denial about their fitness level
Masochists who enjoy dying in 30-second bursts. "It's only 20 minutes!" they say. Conveniently forgetting the 3-hour recovery. Science says it works. Your body disagrees.
People who voluntarily get punched in the face. A regular stopwatch isn't "authentic" enough. We support your aggressive hobbies and questionable insurance rates.
Time your WODs, AMRAPs, EMOMs. Acronyms nobody else understands. Don't worry—you'll explain it at the office tomorrow. Again. For the fifth time.
Sprint, jog, sprint, existential crisis, sprint. Your coach swears this works. You believe them because they look intimidating. Also, you already paid $200.
Hold warrior pose for 60 seconds while your legs scream. Namaste means "the light in me," not "I'm dying inside but smiling." Common mistake.
Just want a timer that doesn't require a computer science degree. The real MVPs. While others debate periodization, you're just trying not to die during jumping jacks.
100% authentic testimonials from our imagination